(no subject)
Dec. 3rd, 2012 07:10 am I sorta hate talking about what I term maggots in the head, especially where there's a lot of context involved in here which I suspect most of you wouldn't know about, and I am being necessarily non specific since well, the non specificness of things is the issue here.
So... lets start at the beginning shall we. When I was around 10 or 11, I got REALLY angry at someone and might have screwed up something that might have been important to me (basically an exam that could have gotten me to an accelerated stream. Teacher confiscated my pens cause I was playing with them, cause yanno, I was a kid, and I sort of yelled at her very loudly). For some reason I decided that losing my temper was a liability, and tried to suppress it. I ended up suppressing most of my emotions, by accident.
Fast forward 6 years, and the awakening of my 'wolf' side. That re-activated my emotions, but I sort of feel that compared to 'human' emotions, as I remembered experiencing previous to that, the emotions I feel are 'simple' but intense. On the other hand, I have the same range of emotions, and on occation, I try to work out what the hell exactly i am feeling. I might feel nervious as a 'basic' reaction, and the general source of the nervousness (say about talking to someone) but the human-logical part of me dosen't always get what exactly links the two - the 'cause' of the nervousness itself. I can obviously tell that its 'different' but not what. "Winged person" emotions are probably more akin to human, but there's some aspects of it, such as the sheer open-ness of that society that don't work well with what I have now.
To some extent, the old standby of social rules (relationships with people as a series of logical responses where experience or instinct of some sort dosen't work) helps in some situations, but I can't exactly run like that all the time. There's situations where deciding the 'optimal' course would take too long, and the 'stupid' instinctual option may be better. Then again, that's gotten me in trouble before so.. ugh.
Dealing with people is hard, when you're constantly also having to weigh up your own reactions